She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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