look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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