I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
be right there i have to get my cape
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
