I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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