This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
