I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
