thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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