i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
