i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
