So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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