Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
