I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
