I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
