Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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