put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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