you would pick up someone in the library
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pants are for mortals
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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