somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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