Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened