I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
