I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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