im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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