btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.