Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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