Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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