you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
