If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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