Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is the high leading the old right now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's rum buckets o'clock
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
