On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
