fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
