Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
