its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
