plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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