im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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