Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
