the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
