the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
