And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
