As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
