Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Randomize
