checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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