so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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