I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
