I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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