Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sex in a hospital.. check
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
