I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
