My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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