god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
