so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
