he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Rumble strips road head = magical
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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