Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
