I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
