I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
