May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
