I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
