went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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