YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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