I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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