You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
