I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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