38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
