oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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