The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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