Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
