Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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