Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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