so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
