Banned from zoo.
Again?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
