sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
