Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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