Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
