i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
