coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
