then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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