I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
