i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize