Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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