Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
