The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize