Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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