I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
