1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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