i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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